Report Cards: Do’s and Don’ts
A compassionate guide to supporting your child through school feedback—without the pressure.
— 4 min read —
It’s that time of year again—report cards are landing in backpacks, inboxes, and on kitchen counters. For many families, these little envelopes can carry a lot of emotion: pride, anxiety, disappointment, hope, comparison (and maybe even a few surprise reactions).
At wellbe, we know that how you respond as a parent or caregiver matters—and not just for this one report card, but for how your child begins to understand their worth, effort, and relationship with learning long-term.
Let’s walk through some gentle guidance when it comes to report card season, with a little help from Lara, wellbe therapist, to offer their expert insights along the way.
The Do’s: How to Respond with Curiosity and Care
Stay calm and open
Even if the grades aren’t what you hoped for, your child is likely already feeling vulnerable. The goal is to be a safe landing, not a source of added pressure.
Try: “Thanks for sharing this with me. I know it’s not always easy to talk about school stuff.”
Ask open-ended questions
Instead of jumping straight to the numbers, ask questions that invite conversation.
Try:
“How did you feel reading this?”
“What part of your school year are you proud of?”
“Was there anything that surprised you?”
Focus on effort, not just outcome
Report cards are a snapshot, not the whole story. Celebrate where they tried hard - even if the grade didn’t reflect it.
Try: “I noticed you worked hard in math this term, and it shows. That effort is what really matters.”
Check in on emotions—not just academics
Report cards can surface big feelings like shame, stress, or confusion. This is a great time to check in on their emotional experience at school, not just their academic one.
Notice your own emotions first before diving into any conversations with your child. It’s totally normal to feel upset or worried if your child is struggling academically. Being aware of your triggers and the “why” behind them ahead of time can help.
Do you think your child’s performance is a reflection of your parenting skills?
Are you passing down the same expectations that were placed on you as a child?
Giving space to your own emotions ahead of time can allow you to create the necessary space for you to focus on your child’s emotional needs.
School involves more than just learning – it’s where kids are also figuring themselves out, building social skills, and creating a foundation for how they deal with expectations. Their emotional experience can let you know how they’re coping with all of that and what support they could benefit from moving forward.
What to Avoid (Even If It Slips Out)
Avoid making it about you
Statements like “I’m disappointed” or “You should have done better” can make kids feel like their grades are tied to your love or approval.
Instead, try: “I care about how you’re feeling right now. Let’s look at this together.”
Avoid comparisons to siblings or classmates
Comparison might seem harmless, but it can erode confidence and lead to shame. Every kid learns and grows differently. Notice any preconceived notions you have about your child and try to be curious about them instead.
By comparing them to others, your child may develop internal beliefs around perfectionism and what it means to be “good enough”. Focusing on their individual growth can help them feel loved and accepted regardless of external benchmarks.
Comparison can also result in you missing out on the unique and wonderful qualities that your child possesses. Helping them see their strengths through your eyes allows them to build the confidence and resilience they need to progress.
Avoid obsessing over one subject
It’s tempting to zero in on the lowest mark—but kids need to know they are more than one number. Look for patterns, not perfection.
Try: “Let’s talk about what felt hardest this term. I’m here to help you figure it out.”
Avoid dismissing signs of stress
Some kids may seem indifferent—but under the surface, they might be worried, anxious, or overwhelmed.
If your child is showing signs of holding something back, or saying things like ‘I’m stupid’ or ‘I knew I’d fail’, these are important things to attend to. You may feel pulled to dismiss their statements or ease their overwhelm. Their worries make sense to them so give your child some space to express that to you.
Try: “I see this is affecting you. Do you want to tell me more?”
Reframing the Conversation: Growth Over Grades
This is an opportunity to shape your child’s inner voice—how they respond to feedback, setbacks, and growth. Use this moment to normalize mistakes and frame learning as a process, not a performance.
Try:
“Let’s set one small goal together for next term.”
“What’s one thing you’d like to feel more confident about by the end of the year?”
“Learning isn’t a straight line. We all zig-zag a bit.”
When to Reach Out for Extra Support
If your child is showing signs of ongoing school anxiety, self-esteem struggles, or avoidance around learning, they might need more than a pep talk. That’s where therapy can help.
At wellbe, our therapists work with kids and parents to strengthen emotional regulation, build resilience, and reframe limiting beliefs around success and failure.
Kids might not have the awareness or language around their struggles. Sometimes they communicate it in other ways — through emotional outbursts, withdrawal, or disinterest. Therapy can help uncover the story underneath their behaviours to understand more about your child’s experience.
You’re Doing Great, Too
Report cards can stir up your own inner critic as a parent. Maybe you wish you’d supported more, pushed less, or had more time for homework help. That’s normal. Be gentle with yourself, too.
At the end of the day, your child doesn’t need a perfect GPA. They need connection, encouragement, and someone who believes in them—even when the grades don’t reflect the full picture.
And that someone? It’s you.
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This post was written by wellbe’s psychotherapist (qualifying) Lara Williston. If you or your family are in need of support, you can book an in-person or virtual visit with our social workers here.