Your Kid Has a Phone. Now What?
A parent’s guide to social media, healthy boundaries and staying connected
— 5 min read —
If you’re parenting a child or teen, chances are phones and social media have become part of the conversation and possibly part of the conflict.
Are you asking yourselves the following:
How much is too much?
When should they have access?
What if all their friends are online?
And how do you set boundaries without turning every conversation into a battle?
Meta, the company behind Instagram and Facebook, recently agreed to introduce additional safety measures for users under 18 in participating U.S. states and territories, pending court approval.
These changes include daily time limits, nighttime restrictions, muted notifications during school hours, hidden like counts, and other changes designed to create additional guardrails for young users.
These changes are currently focused on the U.S., but they are part of a much larger conversation about helping children and teens navigate social media.
Technology can provide useful guardrails—but no setting can replace an open, ongoing relationship with a trusted adult.
What’s Changing on Instagram & Facebook?
Teens will have a two-hour daily time limit across Instagram and Facebook, which can only be extended with parental permission.
A default Night Mode will block access between midnight and 6 a.m.
Notifications will be muted by default during school hours, currently set from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Teens will receive more frequent reminders about how long they have been using the apps.
Autoplay can be turned off, like counts will be hidden by default, and certain appearance-altering filters will be restricted.
Teens will also have the option to use a chronological, non-algorithmic feed.
These changes may offer helpful guardrails, but settings can be changed and parental permissions can be granted.
Ultimately, technology is only one part of the conversation.
Why is this so hard for families?
For many children and teens, social media isn’t just entertainment. It’s where they:
Talk to friends
Make plans
Share interests
Follow what is happening in their social circle
Feel included and connected
That means being asked to put away a phone may not feel like simply turning off a game or video.
It may bring up a very real fear of missing out, being excluded or returning to find that the conversation has moved on without them. When so much of a young person’s social world happens online, being offline can feel like being left behind.
At the same time, parents are trying to balance:
Safety
Sleep
Independence
Trust
Family connection
Their child’s need to build healthy technology habits
There is no single perfect approach—and what works for one family may not work for another.
Let’s take shame and blame out of it
This is difficult for both children and parents.
Kids and teens may struggle to put their phones down. They may check social media constantly or get pulled into scrolling for much longer than they intended.
That doesn’t mean they’re lazy, irresponsible or lacking self-control. Social media platforms are designed to capture and hold our attention—and young people are still developing the skills needed to manage impulses and make thoughtful decisions.
Parents can also feel enormous pressure to get this “right.”
But there is no magic screen-time number or perfect set of rules. If your family’s current approach isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You can adjust, reset and try again.
FIVE Practical ways to support healthier social media use
1. Check the Settings Together
Take some time to look at your child's current social media settings together.
Look at:
Daily time limits
Nighttime restrictions
Notification settings
Privacy settings
Content filters
Who can follow or contact them
Treat these settings as guardrails—not as a replacement for conversations and connection.
2. Create Predictable Phone-Free Moments
Choose a few consistent times or places when phones are put away, such as:
During meals
While doing homework
During family time
In bedrooms overnight
Your entire home doesn’t need to become screen-free. A few predictable boundaries can create more space for sleep, connection and being present.
Whenever possible, involve your child in deciding what feels realistic for your family. Children are often more willing to follow boundaries when they have a voice in creating them.
3. Talk About More Than Screen Time
Instead of focusing only on “How long were you on your phone?”, try asking how social media is affecting them.
Ask questions like:
“How do you usually feel after scrolling for a while?”
“Are there accounts that make you feel better or worse about yourself?”
“Do you ever feel pressure to check your phone?”
“Is there anything you've seen online lately that you've been thinking about?”
These conversations can help kids develop awareness of their own relationship with technology.
4. Make it Safe for them to Tell You
Let your child know they can come to you if something uncomfortable or upsetting happens online.
They may encounter:
Cyberbullying
Inappropriate content
Unwanted messages
Social pressure
Exclusion or conflict
Situations they don’t know how to handle
Try to lead with curiosity and connection before jumping into consequences.
A simple response can make a big difference:
“I’m glad you told me. Let’s figure this out together.”
Try to lead with curiosity and connection before jumping into consequences or problem-solving.
A simple “I'm glad you told me. Let's figure this out together” can go a long way.
5. Model Healthy Boundaries
Children notice how the adults around them use technology, too.
That doesn’t mean parents need to be perfect—or completely phone-free. It simply means looking for opportunities to practise the same balance you’re asking of your child.
Try saying:
“I’m putting my phone away during dinner, too.”
“I noticed I’ve been scrolling for a while. I’m going to take a break.”
“Let’s all charge our phones outside our bedrooms tonight.”
Shared boundaries can feel less like punishment and more like a family commitment.
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s about helping kids build a healthy relationship with technology while still making space for sleep, relationships, and life offline.
There will be challenges and disagreements along the way, and that’s okay. What matters most is keeping the conversation open and making sure kids know they don’t have to navigate the online world alone.
This post was written by wellbe’s registered social worker Emily Blum. If you or your family are in need of support, you can book an in-person or virtual visit with our social workers here.
take the quiz
Finding the right therapist shouldn’t be hard. Take our brief, yet insightful quiz to help you discover a therapist that matches you + your family’s unique needs.