Navigating the Path of Healing: Finding Hope after Tragedy
How do we heal after a tragic loss?
The truth is that there’s no linear answer.
Grief and loss are heavy. Circumstances can make this loss feel heavier. When we lose someone who has lived a long, full, healthy life there’s some peace in knowing that they had all the moments life had to offer.
But, when we lose someone too soon, too tragically, it feels unjust and we grapple with making sense of the “why’s”. Losing someone isn’t easy; it isn’t supposed to be. We are designed to love, support, and grow with each other. We know grief and loss are a part of life but we don’t really expect it to happen before it’s supposed to, especially when we’ve already imagined a long and full life with our loved one.
When we lose someone it can reopen other experiences of grief and loss, it can even trigger traumatic experiences. The symptoms of grief and loss can look very similar to post-traumatic symptoms:
denial, shock, numbness
confusion
emotion dysregulation, irritability
feelings of helplessness
sadness, depression, fatigue
anger
social withdrawal, isolation
difficulty sleeping
difficulty concentrating
hyperawareness, panic, jumpiness
ruminating thoughts, etc.
We never know what to expect from grief and loss. It feels unreal, unnatural, and unthinkable.
Grief is unique. It is intimately tied to the relationship we had with the person we lost, and it is a very individual experience. No one experiences grief and loss quite the same, which is why it can feel isolating.
Grief is also unpredictable. We may see versions of ourselves that are uncharacteristic.
Grief is messy. Just when you think you’ve figured it out and have a handle on managing grief, it surprises us and reignites feelings and emotions we thought we processed.
Grief isn’t as well-prepared a journey as we imagined it to be.
The only way out of grief is through it.
Effective grief work, healing work, is not done alone. And often, it is not done quickly. It is important we have a professional to talk to to help us work through and process and cope with our grief in a healthy way. Our loved ones who surround us and support us may not always know the right things to say or how to help us cope with our grief, and we run the risk of keeping it to ourselves for fear of being expected to return to normal life. Not everyone can meet our needs when healing and that’s ok.
We can find support in the following ways when working through grief:
individual therapy
family therapy
children’s therapy
support groups
community support
When we share similar experiences with others it can be helpful in our healing journey as there is power in shared experiences, and we can find relief in the relationships we build with others.
If we are supporting our children or other loved ones with loss, it is important that we keep an open ear and nonjudgemental space so they can speak freely about their feelings. More specifically, our children need a space to ask questions and have their emotions validated. Children see loss and death in different ways, and we have to consider their age and emotional development in mind as we help them work through grief. We can:
use activities such as storytelling to allow for exploration of feelings about the loss
draw pictures about their feelings
role play using stuffed animals or puppets to allow for emotion play
read books with your child that help explain the concepts of loss and death
tell other important adults in the child’s life (teachers, school counsellors, child care providers, coaches, etc.) about the loss to further support the child
Grief isn’t linear. It comes in waves. It hurts. It’s something we can’t put into words. Sometimes we need a village and other times we need silence. Grief affects us all differently, and while it is an individual experience it is also a shared experience. In grief, we are never alone. If you have experienced loss and need support, please reach out to supportive resources, including a grief counsellor or therapist. We all need a safe place to process our thoughts and emotions while we are on our journey through grief.
This post was written by wellbe’s social worker Tiffany Lewis. If you are in need of support, you can book an in-person or virtual visit with our social workers here.