Emotion Focused Therapy: Your Guide to Harmony in Relationships
— 3 min read —
Do you feel like you and your partner are having the same argument on repeat? Or are you noticing that family conversations with your teen are ending in slammed doors and hurt feelings?
These moments can leave us wondering what has gone wrong and missing the ease that we once had with the people we love. Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) offers a deeper understanding of what’s going “wrong” during these difficult moments and teaches us to reach for connection in new ways.
There are two main branches of EFT used to address relationship issues: Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) and Emotion Focused Family Therapy (EFFT). Let’s take a closer look at each approach and how they help.
What is EFCT?
EFCT was designed to help couples shift from patterns of conflict and distance into repair and connection. At its heart, EFCT is based on attachment theory, which is the idea that we are wired to seek emotional closeness in our most important relationships. When that bond is threatened it can activate us to react in ways that make the problem worse: shutting down, becoming defensive, or pushing away when what we really want is the opposite.
We learn how to seek and maintain closeness in our earliest relationships with our caregivers. If we don't learn how to navigate conflict and repair in an emotionally safe way, that will show up in the struggles we face in our romantic relationships. Using EFCT, a therapist can help couples slow down these interactions, uncover the emotions underneath (fear, sadness, longing), and learn to respond with more openness and care.
What to expect in EFCT:
Identify the negative cycle and seeing the pattern as the problem, not each other
Accessing vulnerable emotions and sharing what is underneath anger and withdrawal
Practicing new responses, learning how to share needs, and respond to each other with empathy
Research shows EFCT is highly effective, with most couples moving from distress to harmony in as few as 12-20 sessions.
What is EFFT?
EFFT adapts the same EFT principles to families, especially where children and teens are struggling.
Instead of framing the child as “the problem”, EFFT helps to identify the negative cycles of blame, frustration, or withdrawal that are keeping the family unit stuck. The same patterns we learned from our caregivers can show up in parent-child relationships and can get in the way of vulnerability and empathy. With EFFT, parents can learn how to step into a stronger caregiver role, recognize their child’s needs for connection, and respond with less reactivity.
What to expect in EFFT:
Parents and children learn to explore the emotions underneath conflict
Caregivers learn how to repair ruptures and create emotional safety
Families practice new, supportive ways of interacting with each other
EFFT can be especially helpful for families navigating depression, anxiety, trauma, or life transitions such as adolescence, loss, and separation.
Why Try EFT?
EFT offers a gentle and effective way to learn to reach for connection with loved ones. Simply focusing on our communication skills misses addressing the emotional patterns that often drive how we communicate.
Through EFCT and EFFT, couples and families can discover new ways of hearing, seeing, and being with one another. EFT provides an emotional shift that helps relationships be more resilient, supportive, and where conflict can feel like a pathway to deeper understanding.
wellbe’s registered psychotherapist Lara Williston integrates EFT principles into her work supporting individuals, couples, and families.
If you’re ready to explore Emotion Focused Therapy and strengthen the relationships that matter most, book a session today through our online booking portal or email us at hello@wellbefamilywellness.com — we’d love to support you.
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This post was written by wellbe’s registered psychotherapist Lara Williston. If you or your family are in need of support, you can book an in-person or virtual visit with a member of our mental health team here.